The Giver...Oh wait, that's already a title.

Ok, as a language arts teacher, I just couldn't resist the title. Show grace for my inner nerd! Now let's get "spiritual" - kind of.

"I just LOVE asking people for money and giving them the opportunity to bless me financially..." said no one ever. Well, there may actually be people that like doing that, but I have a hard time with that. As a short-term missionary for two years, and then going off to ministry school and still needing financial support for a third year, I have a really hard time asking people for money, because that's all that I felt like I was doing - simply asking people for money. What's funny about that is I actually love getting gifts and surprises, so why is it so hard to ask for or receive money from people in the form of financial support? The Lord has been bringing up a lot of questions lately that have me questioning the way I think about...well, just about everything. So here's what I've learned about the whole giving/receiving thing recently:

As someone who has always struggled with money (working for it, managing it, receiving it, etc.) I've recently come into a place where I actually have it and know how to better manage it thanks to Jake Strickland and Paul Walker who so amazingly blessed our church by teaching Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace University the year that I got back from school of ministry. This completely changed my world and gave me a drive to get of out debt so that I could start giving to others at a greater level. The Lord provided work for me during this time so that I would have a steady income to start working towards my goal and dream of being debt free and in a place to give abundantly to those in need, and while I still have some areas to work on, three years later I'm still using my budgeting tools and managing my money like I never have! I even have a small amount of savings (and I mean small), which is a miracle in and of itself! 

Most of you who know me know that I've recently returned to California to complete my second year of ministry  school, and you have already blessed me tremendously with your love and support. Before I left home, I wasn't going to ask anyone for money. I worked hard and used savings to pay most of my tuition and to cover initial housing/living costs since I wouldn't have a roommate for about a month or so when I got out here, and it's a decent chunk of change for deposits and rent! Luckily I have amazing people in my life who love me enough to bless me anyways when I'm too stubborn to ask for help. My parents are seriously the best and most generous people I know, and helped tremendously on the drive, that's right, the DRIVE out. We drove two vehicles across the country, and they put up with me for 2-3 weeks, slept on crappy beds and air mattresses, and went on mini sight-seeing adventures just because they love me. The only difference is that they had to drive back across the country. Yes, there's no denying that they're amazing! Next, there is my home church family who ridiculously loves and blesses me anyway, but they went above and beyond to bless me financially, cover me in prayer, and shower me with love leading up to my departure. And last, but surely not least, are the friends and family who have donated in various ways. You are all amazing!

I've already been blessed so much, which almost makes it harder to even ask for money at this point. My thinking is (as I'm sure many others would be): I've already been blessed so much, I'm working and actually have a job, and God has provided in many different ways already; how can I ask for such generosity to be extended from those I love? That actually sounds really nice and spiritual, but when we often get to the underlying ways that we think it sounds more like this: What if people think I'm lazy or not working enough, or they think I should have just been responsible and kept a good job while I had one, or maybe I'm just not worth giving to, so I shouldn't even ask. 

Let's just be real. When we analyze our thought processes, a lot of them don't line up with what Jesus says or thinks about us at all, and I love that Bill Johnson says, "I can't afford to have a thought in my head that's not in His." So this is just one of those thought processes that I've been dealing with lately and God is showing me that there's more to giving than just me asking and receiving; it's also about the giver. 

I've had opportunities recently to bless different people in small ways, and in seeing their happiness and thankfulness I was blessed beyond measure and in those moments I felt like the Lord said: "Do you see how amazing it feels to bless these people? How do you think I feel when I can bless you? How do you think those who love you feel when they get to bless you?"

And ya'll, all I can say is He totally "got" me with this. I just hadn't really thought about how much of a blessing it can be to give when you're really giving out of the generosity of your heart for those you love. Before I left, I had a friend, who's more like a father, tell me, "Don't you dare rob me of an opportunity to bless you! If you need ANYTHING you better let me know." And it's almost one of those things to which you say "yeah, yeah," but now I actually get it. This friend really meant what he said, and in light of recent events I now understand the joy it can be to bless others whether in small or big ways, and sometimes it may seem small, but it can be huge for the person you're blessing. 

All that to say, here's where I am: I am currently working, and my sole purpose in coming out here two months before school started was to get a job so I could get on top of my finances and "not struggle." I'm pretty sure God laughed at that too...as I'm sure He does with the way we think about many things. Well, I was getting decent work hours before school started, but my flexibility has been limited since school has begun, and as I'm budgeting and doing those things I know to do I'm also realizing it's not quite enough. I'm completely trusting the Lord to be my Provider. I literally told Him the other day that He was the "man of the house" and He needed to take care of the electric bill and rent. As children of God we have access to the resources of heaven...hello, this is unlimited resources! And while I know He WILL provide (it's no longer a matter of "if" or "what if"), I also realize there are people who love me and want to sow into my life and partner with what God is doing. And sometimes we just need an opportunity to be generous with what we do have simply for the sake of experiencing the joy of giving so that we receive a greater revelation of how the Father feels when we allow Him to provide for our needs and give to us, which is what He did for me recently. 

So here are some ways you can sow into my life financially for those that feel this is what you really want to do or you think the Lord is asking you to do:

1. You can give on a monthly basis or through a one-time donation through PayPal by selecting the "click here to make a donation" option at the top left side of my blog (under my profile picture), which will take you directly to a PayPal link where you can send money through your own PayPal account, by debit/credit, or by a checking account, or you can send a check/money order if you prefer (email me for the address: m.d.henderson8@gmail.com). These gifts are not tax-deductible, so if you wish to give in a different way that is tax-deductible continue reading :)
2. You can also sow into my time here at Bethel by donating towards my ministry and/or mission trip opportunities, which are tax-deductible. One thing that I'm able to do as a second year student is go on ministry trips throughout the year with various leaders from the church on top of the option to go on a mission trip at the end of the year. The great thing about the ministry trips is that I can go on as many as possible (dependent upon finances and work schedule) throughout the year, and I will be part of each leader's ministry team where I can grow in my gifts, talents and leadership, and also learn from the different leaders, which can open up amazing doors/opportunities while here. To give this way, simply follow the directions below:

• Select or copy/paste the following link: https://trips.ibethel.org/transactions/new/16140
• This should be a direct link to my travel fund account through Bethel, so make sure you see my name displayed on the page
• From there you will fill out basic information and click "next"
• You will then type in your payment information and click "submit"

I thank the Lord for the opportunities He gives me to give and receive, because they both keep me humble and teach me more about His nature. He's a good God who also likes to give and receive; and us, being created in His image, should be the same. Thank you to all of you who love and support me no matter what that looks like; just the fact that you're reading this and thinking about me is enough! I declare your thoughts, love, prayers, and finances all seeds to be sewn and harvested with much return! 

That time when Holy Spirit totally ambushed me...

My first "note" to update friends and family. Well, clearly I've made it back to California, which has been really amazing; I've seen family, I've been to Portland ("Keep Portland Weird" - and it definitely was), I got my parents to hike...on a mountain trail that was much longer and more difficult than expected, I also got them to go rafting ("You won't get wet," she said...as we're soaked within the first few minutes), I've been able to reconnect with some old friends and connect with new ones, both of which have made my heart full, and now I'm finally registered for my second year at Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry. Jesus really does love me; even before I got here He had it all planned out, but I'll just hit the highlights for now.

Before I came back to Bethel and California I was believing the Lord for some specific things: 

• My car debt to be paid in full before I left Georgia
• My tuition to be paid in full before I left Georgia
• My housing to be situated by the time I got to California
• My job situation to be secured by the time I got to California
• Divine appointments and connections while here
• God moments that define my future

Well, everything on that list hasn't happened, and some things have, just not in the timing that I planned, but that doesn't change God's faithfulness. My tuition was paid in full before school started, my housing was lined up before I came, God totally opened up the right job for me within 2-3 weeks of being here, but the time before I began working was not wasted. I enjoyed some much needed quality time with my Jesus where He showed me that He was the "man of the house" and that He would take care of me during this time completely and totally providing in every way, which broke fear off of me that I've been battling for years. Those of you close to me (and now whoever reads this) know that I don't like to be alone at night; therefore, I sleep on the couch to feel safe. Go ahead, it's ok to laugh. I literally slept on the couch for my first 2-3 weeks here after my parents left when I had a perfectly good bed upstairs. Anyway, I think Jesus was like, "Ok, we need to get past this." So I gave Him my fear and He totally took care of it! Yay for sleeping in my bed!

Moving on to divine appointments/connections; I've already met people that I feel are lifetime friends and through them I've met even more people that I feel will be significant at some point on my journey this season, and I'm so excited for what God has in store!

So far that's four things on my list. And then there's that time when Holy Spirit totally ambushed me in which I would put in the category of "God moments that define my future," which of course, I'm expecting much more of as the year goes along.

So one of my new friends, a fellow Southerner who literally grew up about two hours from my hometown, is also a second year student at BSSM, and is now someone I would consider one of those "friends for life" told me about an event that was being hosted for second year students. My introvert immediately responded...ok screamed...with "Noooooo, there will definitely be too many people there for comfort. Actually, the fact that there will be people there at all is too much. Let's just stay in and be fine in our happy place where awkwardness and social interaction are at a minimal, and I don't have to take any risks." On the other hand, I had recently been challenged by my pastor to "get out" and meet new people, which he and I both knew was supposed to be part of my journey this season, so of course I had his voice ringing in the back of my mind, and knew I had to go even if just for a short time. If it got too bad, and by "bad" I mean too much for my introvert, I could always use the excuse that I had to get up early for work, which was actually true. Four a.m. was coming early! 

God loves to get us out of our comfort zones...don't you just hate that? 

Long story short, I end up going just expecting to meet maybe a couple of people and at the least just get out of the house for the sake of getting out of my comfort zone. This is the part where I'm pretty sure Papa God, Jesus, and Holy Spirit looked at each other and laughed. It ended up being a smaller group of maybe 15 people and we started off with a little worship at the lake. Then it moved to some prayer where Holy Spirit started to move and people were "getting crazy" - you know, the ones who shake and fall on the ground, and laugh and you take a step back and say, "You go ahead and enjoy that, I'm just gonna stay back here and worship in my own little happy place, you know, my island with just me and Jesus." And then God laughs again, and you realize you've been targeted. Things didn't get "crazy" for me, but I'm pretty sure Holy Spirit used almost every person there to just pour into me, and speak words of life and encouragement over me and release safety and love that I've never felt in a "new" place before, and I just cried...in front of these strangers...and then I cried some more, and at some point realized I had to stop worrying about my mascara because there was probably none left. I was like "Really, God? You know I don't like crying, much less crying in front of strangers." And I'm pretty sure He kind of laughed and said "I know." And then He sent someone else to do more damage...to my pride. So crying in front of strangers was in itself a breakthrough for me, but in that time I just felt like God was saying "I'm going to show you love like you've never known it before, not just from Me, but from people," which is really significant because many of us walk around with rejection and wounds whether we realize it or not, and it can become hard to feel safe being completely ourselves around others, especially new people in new seasons, but it's important to have that in our lives so we're not an island that's only dependent on God, but instead that we're a community being interdependent on each other as we go after God together. 

Ok, that long story made short was actually long, but it was shorter than originally planned, so be thankful. All that to say, God can totally ambush us with good surprises that encourage our hearts in the moments we least expect it, so whoever needs that as a testimony just take hold of it and wait expectantly on the One Who loves to surprise you.