Be the Hero of Your Story

Have you ever met someone who was a great storyteller - you know, those people who remember EVERY detail, add the sound effects and hand motions, can do the voices and all that jazz? Those are some of my favorite people! I have a few of those in my life. One of my all-time, favorite storytellers is my godfather. He’s one of those guys that knows literally everyone and everyone knows him. He has the BEST sound effects, and of course, one of my favorite stories he tells is about me. (Who doesn’t like to hear stories about themselves? Ok, all you “humble” people out there stop lying; everyone loves to hear good, funny stories about themselves.) My favorite story he tells is about the time I (allegedly) talked his son into running away with me. We were about three years old, and at some point our parents realized we weren’t around. We were found a ways down the road walking hand-in-hand on the sidewalk as if all were good and normal in the world (while our parents had been frantic and freaking out). When our parents got to us, they asked us what we were doing, and my response was, “We’re wunning away!” which was said in my cutest, little three-year-old voice of course.

While I do actually love hearing my godfather tell that story, what I am learning to equally love is owning and telling my own story. I have always loved storytelling in general - novels, movies, plays, TV shows, etc. It’s easy to fall in love with the characters, their lives, their stories - the ups, downs and everything in between. Let’s face it; we can never grow out of loving stories - telling them, hearing them, seeing them. I’m pretty sure it is hardwired into our DNA to be storytellers to some extent, but for some reason, it is sometimes easier to dismiss our own stories over others’ stories.

In her book, Braving the Wilderness, Brene Brown interviews Viola Davis who beautifully states the following:

“There’s an unspoken message that the only stories worth telling are the stories that end up in history books. This is not true. Every story matters...We are all worthy of telling our stories and having them heard. We all need to be seen and honored in the same way that we all need to breathe.”

We play many characters throughout our lifetime. We wear many hats - son, daughter, brother, sister, mother, father, actor, teacher, employee, boss, the list goes on and on - and there are often times when we are wearing one hat that we wish we could put on a different one. However, I have found that when we can own who we are and the current role we are playing in the present, we have accomplished something great. It’s easy to get caught up in a great story with dynamic characters and vibrant scenes, but those are all someone else’s stories. Like me, you may think, What is so special about my story? The truth is, it’s special because it’s mine. It is the only story I have to offer and the greatest one I could personally ever share with anyone. We were each created with a specific design and purpose - we were made to display an aspect of God’s heart that no one else can. It’s easy to look at someone else’s story, testimony, life etc. and wish that we could switch places even if for a moment, but then the world would miss out on your story and what you have to offer, and trust me, you definitely have something to offer!

With any story, the audience waits with anticipation for the characters to be revealed, for the plot to develop and a story to unfold. The same goes for us. There is an anticipation, an expectancy in all of creation that is waiting for us to take ownership of who we are and our stories. Where else should we play the lead if not in our own stories? Everyone around you is waiting to see who you are, how you live, how you take ownership of your story and how it will be expressed. 

And your expression of your story will look different than someone else’s. There are so many outlets of expression and sharing. We can tend to think of artistic expressions - art, music, theatre, writing, etc - as the only outlets, but our unique story expressions can come out in other ways. As parents, it comes out in your children (although some of you might not want to lay claim to that statement). Your children are a beautiful expression of you and your story. For others, it’s a business venture, your career, a hobby, your relationships and the way you share and invest yourself in them. Everything you do is an expression of you and your story. Don’t hold back, you have too much to share and offer. The world needs your story!

The first step to expressing your story is to embrace it! Own your story! It doesn’t matter what it has looked like up to this point. It is never too late to own your story, be your lead character and say “yes” to the adventure of watching it unfold. I believe that when we fully embrace our own stories, it then becomes an honor to share and express them with those around us because of the understanding we gain through our journey, sacrifice, intentionality and pursuit that is required to be present in our own lives. 

How will your story be expressed? How will it be remembered? Will others choose to be present in their own stories because of the way you lived yours?

#everystorymatters

#betheheroofyourstory

Belonging to You

What does it mean to belong? We can belong to our families, friend groups, associations, careers, religious groups, basically anything that allows us to feel a part of something bigger than ourselves. As a previous middle school teacher, I saw this basic desire displayed EVERY day with my students. They were in that “fun” phase of wanting to be adults and have independence but deep down still wanting/needing structure, boundaries and connection (at least to some extent). They said they didn't care if no one liked them or if they didn't “belong” to a certain group, club, or team, but underneath that hard, thin shell and mask of independence was the basic need and desire to belong...to something, to someone, to anything.

I don’t know if this need/desire ever actually goes away. Even in independence, there’s still something within that wants to belong, to not be alone, to share in life. I mean, who actually wants to do EVERYTHING alone? Those of you that just thought “me” to yourself...we both know you’re lying. Sure, there are certain things you might want to do by yourself, or perhaps you work better independently, but in the end anyone who says they don’t have a need or desire to belong to anyone or anything is probably just covering up a past wound of rejection that they never wanted (or knew how) to deal with. I know...I’m diving into that real real stuff today...because it’s soooo true!

So back to belonging and a bit of my story with this topic. This summer I read Brene Brown’s book, “Braving the Wilderness,” which was suggested by a friend. It was exactly what I needed in this season and came at the perfect time. While reading this book, there was laughing, crying, snotting and mounds of Kleenex heaping on my floor. That’s when you know it’s good! Anyway, in this book, Brene talks mostly about belonging. She talks about the basic desire and need to belong, but at the core of it, she talks about belonging to yourself.

Inspired by a Maya Angelou poem...well, more like frustrated because she didn’t understand it...Brene set out to find the meaning of Angelou’s poem and found herself on a quest for true belonging. Angelou’s poem states,

“You are only free when you realize you belong no place - you belong every place - no place at all. The price is high. The reward is great.”

Ok, I’ll be honest. I was frustrated when I read this too. As much as I like to be imaginative and creative, my literal side was like, “Um, you cannot belong nowhere and everywhere...come on, Maya.” But by the end of the book, Brene brought it all to a close saying,

“True belonging requires us to believe in and belong to ourselves so fully that we can find sacredness in both being a part of something, and standing alone when necessary.”

There is something so beautiful (often through a painful journey) in belonging to yourself. It is the place where you are fully (and free to be) yourself; you are 100% ok with who you are and can embrace the moments of standing alone because you know yourself - who you are, what you like, where you stand on issues, what you value. It is also the place where you are able to fully embrace the moments/seasons when you are with others.

There was a moment the other day where this realization hit me; it was literally one of those “light-bulb” moments. Although I understood what Brene was saying in the book, I had not yet fully experienced it, and as I was enjoying my morning coffee, I had the “Ah-ha!” moment. I have spent so much time over my life trying to be what I thought people around me wanted or needed, or have only brought the strengths those around me needed, or have only shared pieces of myself (while shutting down others) because of what others might think; but I have recently been on a journey of exploring and discovering me (what I actually value, what I love, my strengths/weaknesses and what I want in life), and in having to do that alone I have discovered that being ok with who I am in the times of standing alone (belonging nowhere) allows me to fully be ok with who I am in the times of being with others (belonging everywhere).

To all the shy ones, the insecure, the peacekeepers and those who have simply lost sight of themselves in the everyday demands, here is your permission to be fully you! Explore and discover YOU, because YOU are worth getting to know (or getting to know again for those who have just forgotten). You will belong nowhere, but you will also belong everywhere.

#befree #beyou #worthit

Adventure for the Soul

This post is EXTRA special! I had the privilege of writing this post as an article for my friend's book The Adventure Challenge. This book is designed in a fun and creative way to challenge you in adventure and exploration while building relationships/community. Check out The Adventure Challenge on YouTube here AND go Follow and Like it on Facebook. A kick-starter will be launched THIS coming Monday, October 15th, to pre-order the book - check that out here! You WANT this book in your life...especially since you'll find this article and another one written by yours truly in it!

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Have you ever read those “Chicken Soup for the Soul” books? There were like 50 versions of it (one for every stage of life), and if you grew up in a southern, Christian home, you more than likely read the one for teens or got a college edition as a graduation gift. There are actually lots of things that are good for our souls, and some things that we think are good for it but actually aren’t. Luckily, adventure is one of the things that is definitely good for it, or at least that has been my experience, especially over the last couple of years. 

What is so great about adventure? What exactly does it do for the soul? I would say the best thing about adventure is the many discoveries that it leads to.  Adventure has led me out of my norms, out my comfort zone, and out of complacency and has led me into relationships, into the unknown, into the scary and fun, and (the best thing) into knowing others and being known. Adventure has allowed me to discover things about myself that I didn’t know before, and it has allowed me to rediscover things about myself that have been buried by the everyday things that tend to build up over time. 

Some of the very challenges in The Adventure Challenge have led me into discoveries about myself and others. I have found that I LOVE surprises, I truly value getting to watch others discover things about themselves as they adventure and take risks, I really enjoy being ridiculous with my friends, I like to try new things even when they freak me out, and I have realized how much I love exploring myself, my people and my community. 

I grew up being the insecure, shy girl (although some wouldn’t know by the masks I wore) who had TONS of anxiety when trying new things, speaking in public, or doing anything beyond my comfort zone, which didn't take much since my comfort zone was the size of a grain of sand. I was always afraid of messing up, not measuring up, or just cared way too much about what others thought. Over the years, I have found that when I try to view things as adventures instead of scary or risky unknowns, my fears and insecurities dissipate, even if just a little, because adventure changes everything. It makes the scary or difficult things exciting, and it is even better when you do it with your people, because you get to adventure, discover and look ridiculous together. You get to know yourselves and each other, and you get to be known, which deep down is what we all really need and want. 

"Up" - one of my fave movies!

Adventure has led me to climbing trees, jumping off cliffs, moving to new places, taking risks, understanding myself better, challenging my norms, and experiencing the brilliance and strength in my people. How does adventure do all of these things? It offers discovery. It uncovers the beauty in ourselves, our people and our surroundings. Adventure and discovery are the best things we could offer to ourselves and the people around us. 

So, what are you waiting for? Go start your own adventure and see what you discover!

#adventureisoutthere

#adventureforthesoul

And Just Like That

“And just like that, I was beach-body ready”...said no one EVER (unfortunately). For the first time, I actually felt beach-body ready(ish) this summer, but it didn’t come overnight - more like three months of hard work. I’m finding out, however, that it doesn’t take quite as long to lose that beach body. A month and a half into slacking off has definitely been apparent...at least that’s what my jeans are telling me. Ok, some of you are thinking, “Girl, the new year and summer have both passed, I’m working on my winter body now; I don’t want to hear about fitness.”  Fine, fine. We’ll save that for resolutions in a few months. But what I DO want to talk about is the pain in the process.

Fun, right? I know, this is one of your favorite subjects...I mean, who doesn’t enjoy walking through pain? Well, pain doesn’t always look or feel the same. For example, working out typically puts your body through physical pain, which I’m now experiencing as I begin to jump back into a routine, and while it doesn’t quite seem worth it in the moment of sweating in the living room, feeling like I’m 90, and just wanting to take a nap, I know the end goal will be worth it. Why? Why will it be worth it? Well, for one I’ll feel better physically. Two, I’ll be stronger and have more stamina, so I can better keep up with life. And most importantly, at least for me, is the fact that I get to look back over the process, the pain, the hard work and see how far I’ve come.

Pain in the process can also be related to pursuing a dream. Along with my own pursuits, I’m watching so many friends of mine pursue their dreams right now, and it doesn’t always look pretty or glamorous. They’re digging into the everyday things - finding housing, working “regular” jobs, paying bills, taking classes, building community, ya know...life - but they’re also holding their dreams in front of them anticipating that it will be worth the pain in the process. For things like this, we walk through emotional and mental pain in the process of being present and doing the necessary things to move forward while keeping our eyes on the prize. I look forward to the day where we are all sitting around saying, “Man that sucked...BUT it was so worth it! Look how far we’ve come!”

We don’t tend to like this subject or idea of pain. It has somehow gotten a bad rap over time and has become something to stay away from at all costs, which is why we often find things to numb pain or avoid it altogether, especially when we’re dealing with the pain of loss. But I want to talk about the pain of gain in this post - “no pain, no gain”. Yeah, I went there. It is so cliché but so true. One of my favorite quotes from Kris Vallotton, which I’m currently realizing the truth in is “vision gives pain a purpose.” When you have no vision in your process or in the middle of pain, it is easy to feel like a fish out of water floundering around on hot, grainy sand trying desperately to breathe and figure out what is happening, but when you catch vision of home, of life, of a dream, hope is ignited and the pain of flopping your way across the sand becomes worth it to make it to that place of vision.

So “vision gives pain a purpose,” and the pain in the process is what gives value to your vision. It is easy to get into the process and begin to wonder if it’s worth it - What am I doing? Why am I here? Why am I putting myself through so much pain? Should the process be this painful? Will the end goal be worth it? Sometimes the process is not as bad or painful as we make it out to be - we simply need a perspective adjustment, especially when patience, endurance, and perseverance are required, which is usually the case. Sometimes the process actually is as bad or painful as we are experiencing it, but I am realizing that the pain in the process is what gives value to the end goal or vision. Some of the most beautiful things (dreams, relationships, etc.) come out of the painful processes. If a dream were to happen “just like that,” it probably wouldn’t have as much value, but when you know the “blood, sweat and tears,” so to speak, that it took to get there, you understand the value of it. Your pain in the process gives value to your vision. You then get the privilege to say, “Look how far we’ve come!” while fully understanding the weight of that statement.

We can tend to want the “just like that” moment or ending, especially when we are in the painful process or we don’t understand the pain in the process - this is the place where we have to believe it is somehow worth it; this is the place where there is an invitation into deeper relationship with the Lord, yourself, and the people around you in order to catch and establish vision, and then you hope and expect and anticipate that it will be worth it on the other side. And sometimes, the “just like that” moments do happen and still mean a lot to us, but I think even better than those times are the times of painful, persevering processes that seem to linger on forever and then “just like that” a switch is flipped...except that you know all of the work that has led up to the “just like that” moment. You know the vision that was held before you in the painful process that allowed you to keep going because it gave purpose to your pain, and you understand the value of your vision because of the pain that you walked through to reach it.

Maybe you’re in what feels like the never-ending process - keep going! Maybe you’re afraid to start the process of pursuit because it feels too late or because you know the price is high -  it’s never too late and high price means high value! Maybe you have just begun the process and are already losing momentum or wondering if it’s worth it - hold your dreams before you and keep saying yes! The “just like that” moment will eventually come, and it will come with the privilege of saying, “Look how far we’ve come!” and that is what makes it worth it all.