What does it mean to belong? We can belong to our families, friend groups, associations, careers, religious groups, basically anything that allows us to feel a part of something bigger than ourselves. As a previous middle school teacher, I saw this basic desire displayed EVERY day with my students. They were in that “fun” phase of wanting to be adults and have independence but deep down still wanting/needing structure, boundaries and connection (at least to some extent). They said they didn't care if no one liked them or if they didn't “belong” to a certain group, club, or team, but underneath that hard, thin shell and mask of independence was the basic need and desire to belong...to something, to someone, to anything.
I don’t know if this need/desire ever actually goes away. Even in independence, there’s still something within that wants to belong, to not be alone, to share in life. I mean, who actually wants to do EVERYTHING alone? Those of you that just thought “me” to yourself...we both know you’re lying. Sure, there are certain things you might want to do by yourself, or perhaps you work better independently, but in the end anyone who says they don’t have a need or desire to belong to anyone or anything is probably just covering up a past wound of rejection that they never wanted (or knew how) to deal with. I know...I’m diving into that real real stuff today...because it’s soooo true!
So back to belonging and a bit of my story with this topic. This summer I read Brene Brown’s book, “Braving the Wilderness,” which was suggested by a friend. It was exactly what I needed in this season and came at the perfect time. While reading this book, there was laughing, crying, snotting and mounds of Kleenex heaping on my floor. That’s when you know it’s good! Anyway, in this book, Brene talks mostly about belonging. She talks about the basic desire and need to belong, but at the core of it, she talks about belonging to yourself.
Inspired by a Maya Angelou poem...well, more like frustrated because she didn’t understand it...Brene set out to find the meaning of Angelou’s poem and found herself on a quest for true belonging. Angelou’s poem states,
“You are only free when you realize you belong no place - you belong every place - no place at all. The price is high. The reward is great.”
Ok, I’ll be honest. I was frustrated when I read this too. As much as I like to be imaginative and creative, my literal side was like, “Um, you cannot belong nowhere and everywhere...come on, Maya.” But by the end of the book, Brene brought it all to a close saying,
“True belonging requires us to believe in and belong to ourselves so fully that we can find sacredness in both being a part of something, and standing alone when necessary.”
There is something so beautiful (often through a painful journey) in belonging to yourself. It is the place where you are fully (and free to be) yourself; you are 100% ok with who you are and can embrace the moments of standing alone because you know yourself - who you are, what you like, where you stand on issues, what you value. It is also the place where you are able to fully embrace the moments/seasons when you are with others.
There was a moment the other day where this realization hit me; it was literally one of those “light-bulb” moments. Although I understood what Brene was saying in the book, I had not yet fully experienced it, and as I was enjoying my morning coffee, I had the “Ah-ha!” moment. I have spent so much time over my life trying to be what I thought people around me wanted or needed, or have only brought the strengths those around me needed, or have only shared pieces of myself (while shutting down others) because of what others might think; but I have recently been on a journey of exploring and discovering me (what I actually value, what I love, my strengths/weaknesses and what I want in life), and in having to do that alone I have discovered that being ok with who I am in the times of standing alone (belonging nowhere) allows me to fully be ok with who I am in the times of being with others (belonging everywhere).
To all the shy ones, the insecure, the peacekeepers and those who have simply lost sight of themselves in the everyday demands, here is your permission to be fully you! Explore and discover YOU, because YOU are worth getting to know (or getting to know again for those who have just forgotten). You will belong nowhere, but you will also belong everywhere.
#befree #beyou #worthit
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