The Moments of Crazy

What do you do in the moments of crazy? You know the ones I’m talking about. The ones where you say or do something to someone that you immediately regret; the moments where you punch your steering wheel because of the rage that all of a sudden came up within you; the times when you’re overcome with sadness or anxiety and you’re not even sure why, so you fight back the tears until you’re by yourself; the moments of insanity where you think, I could turn in my two weeks notice right now, or even just walk out of my job and be completely fine even though I have no backup; the times where you look at one of your besties and say, “We could totally run away today; it’s as good a day as any other - to the coast we go! Or a plane ticket to Thailand will also do.”

"To the coast we go!"

It’s in those moments of crazy that we can wonder, what the heck is wrong with me? And then we frantically begin to try and diagnose the root issue in order to “fix” ourselves. Google may or may not be your friend in this instance, especially if you do not want to become an emotional hypochondriac, but what’s the alternative? I envision something along the lines of being carried away in a fetal position to a place by the ocean that is "free from the stresses of life" in order to recover, and as much as I love the ocean, that just doesn’t sound appealing to me mostly because I love my peoples too much; however, there’s no shame in that for whoever may need it. We’re all in different chapters in our stories and need different things.

I recently listened to a podcast from "The Liberation Project," which by the way I would totally recommend to anyone, because even though it’s geared towards men, there is SO much to take away. (Be prepared to be offended and challenged at some point with the upside being gaining insight and healing #worthit.) Wow, that was a rabbit trail of a recommendation. Anyway, in their podcast entitled, “Stop Fixing Yourself,” one thing suggested was we can’t actually fix ourselves, because we’re wired to need others whether that be the Lord, family, friends, community etc. Just like God is a triune, interdependent being so are we, and God has treasures, gifts and breakthroughs that can only be found in Him and/or the people around us - we were created for community. While this is not the direction I’m going in (it’s more of an extra nugget; you’re welcome), it did get me thinking about this idea that we need to “fix” ourselves (insert melody from "Fix You" by Coldplay, which is a great song by the way and yet counteractive to this post).

I just don’t think God makes broken things. While we may have times of brokenness in our bodies, emotions, minds or spirits, I don’t think as a whole being we’re actually broken or some thrown away toy that needs to be fixed or refurbished. Maybe we’re actually just people experiencing life. I mean, don’t you hate when you’re sharing a part of your life and the person you’re sharing with somehow suggests that you need to be fixed, that you’re broken, that you’re not whole because things are hard, or you’re not happy, or overflowing with enthusiasm 100% of the time? Maybe that’s just me, or maybe I don’t want to be fixed. Maybe I just want to experience life and walk through every chapter (even the tough ones), and maybe that makes the easier chapters more precious and gift-like. My pain may not need to be fixed but experienced in order to move forward, and hopefully my experience can be shared with someone else who needs to experience their story instead of trying to fix it. I think we have many chapters in our stories, and luckily we have the best author ever to partner with in the writing process.

So what’s the point? What’s the solution? I’m not 100% sure. Maybe someone will not feel alone in their crazy. Maybe someone will be present in their moment of pain and be able to share that with someone else one day. Maybe someone will better appreciate the easier chapters in their story. Maybe someone will stop shaming themselves because they’ve felt like they needed to be fixed. Maybe someone will have permission to simply be and experience life. Whatever you walk away with, know that you’re not alone even when you’re by yourself. Know that there are many chapters yet to be experienced, and God already has a redemption plan for all of the hard ones.