Have you ever been around those people who constantly apologize...for nothing? Or maybe you are that person. I both know that person and have been that person. But what are you actually apologizing for? I’m not talking about those moments where we screw up, drop the ball or cause a mess - those are moments that, of course, require some ownership and an apology. I’m talking about those things we apologize for because, along the line somewhere, someone or something made you think that what you do, what you say or who you are isn’t acceptable or enough. I’m sure there’s a line that can be crossed with this, and we have to hold everything in tension throughout our lives in this great balancing act; however, I’m going to assume you know where that line is (for now) and talk for a bit about being unapologetic for who you are and those things that you know you’re suppose to pursue in life.
I feel like I’ve personally experienced this a lot over the last year and have also had this conversation quite a bit with others - some older, some younger, and some the same age as I am, so I know this runs across the board.
I was having a conversation recently with a friend who, like me, is in their early 30s, and he was basically asking if I ever felt pressured to pursue a “normal” life - you know, the one with the house, the dog, the career, the family...all that jazz - or to have that 5-year plan laid out. And I responded that I have definitely felt that at some point, but when I looked back over my life, I realize that it wasn’t necessarily pressure that I felt, but shame. I had been measuring what my life looks like by what I thought other people or society thinks it should look like. The funny thing about that is it is often the story that we’ve created in our own heads that puts that measuring stick there. We assume we know what people think and then place that stick so high over our heads that we can never measure up instead of actually taking time to explore our lives and what we really want them to look like.
I was sitting in a park the other day, you know, just chilling by myself on a blanket while journaling, and as I was writing, I realized I still felt shame about the particular season I’m in right now. I believe the Lord has told me it’s a season to “play,” which, as an adult, feels a bit irresponsible (even though I’ve had several people - some who know me, and some who don’t - confirm this season for me). And the funny (or not so funny) thing is, I have so many people who love and support me in this, who agree that this is what the Lord has said, and who are championing me in this, and yet, I still have moments where I realize I feel shame about my season. What’s that about? I’m sure no one else ever deals with this…
So while I was sitting in the park...by myself...crying…(I’m just going to give you a moment to envision this and laugh a little), I took a moment to repent for shaming myself, and I apologized to the Lord for measuring my season - the season He said I was in; the season He planned for me - by what I think it should look like. He said “It’s time to play,” and that doesn’t mean I have to create some end goal or purpose in it. I just have to listen to and remind myself of what He said until He says something new.
I don’t know about you, but I’m so over that shame game. It’s not fun, it doesn’t benefit anyone, and it is definitely not from the Lord. I am finding the freedom in unapologetically being present in my current season in life. I am finding the freedom in being unapologetically me. I am finding the freedom in unapologetically pursuing the current dreams inside of me. And I’m realizing that even though I have people in my corner, there may be times that I stand alone in this, and that will also be ok, because Jesus never apologized for pursuing the things the Father set before Him, and if He is our ultimate example, we get to do the same.
I feel like I’ve personally experienced this a lot over the last year and have also had this conversation quite a bit with others - some older, some younger, and some the same age as I am, so I know this runs across the board.
I was having a conversation recently with a friend who, like me, is in their early 30s, and he was basically asking if I ever felt pressured to pursue a “normal” life - you know, the one with the house, the dog, the career, the family...all that jazz - or to have that 5-year plan laid out. And I responded that I have definitely felt that at some point, but when I looked back over my life, I realize that it wasn’t necessarily pressure that I felt, but shame. I had been measuring what my life looks like by what I thought other people or society thinks it should look like. The funny thing about that is it is often the story that we’ve created in our own heads that puts that measuring stick there. We assume we know what people think and then place that stick so high over our heads that we can never measure up instead of actually taking time to explore our lives and what we really want them to look like.
I was sitting in a park the other day, you know, just chilling by myself on a blanket while journaling, and as I was writing, I realized I still felt shame about the particular season I’m in right now. I believe the Lord has told me it’s a season to “play,” which, as an adult, feels a bit irresponsible (even though I’ve had several people - some who know me, and some who don’t - confirm this season for me). And the funny (or not so funny) thing is, I have so many people who love and support me in this, who agree that this is what the Lord has said, and who are championing me in this, and yet, I still have moments where I realize I feel shame about my season. What’s that about? I’m sure no one else ever deals with this…
So while I was sitting in the park...by myself...crying…(I’m just going to give you a moment to envision this and laugh a little), I took a moment to repent for shaming myself, and I apologized to the Lord for measuring my season - the season He said I was in; the season He planned for me - by what I think it should look like. He said “It’s time to play,” and that doesn’t mean I have to create some end goal or purpose in it. I just have to listen to and remind myself of what He said until He says something new.
I don’t know about you, but I’m so over that shame game. It’s not fun, it doesn’t benefit anyone, and it is definitely not from the Lord. I am finding the freedom in unapologetically being present in my current season in life. I am finding the freedom in being unapologetically me. I am finding the freedom in unapologetically pursuing the current dreams inside of me. And I’m realizing that even though I have people in my corner, there may be times that I stand alone in this, and that will also be ok, because Jesus never apologized for pursuing the things the Father set before Him, and if He is our ultimate example, we get to do the same.
For those who are playing that shame game, I give you permission to unapologetically be yourself, to pursue your dreams, and to be present in your season. I give you permission to NOT justify your “why” or what the Lord has called you to. We sometimes have to pursue the things that are deep within us at the risk of being misunderstood, at the risk of losing connection, and at the risk of standing alone, but I believe that when you are unapologetically true to yourself that it will be worth it.
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