Failing at Life

What do you do when you feel like you’re failing? I don’t mean, “Yikes! I messed up there; I’ll do better next time.” I mean when you feel like you’re failing at life - when you can’t provide financially, when you feel like you’re failing in relationships (in maintaining connections and building new ones), when you feel like you’re failing in creativity and pursuing a dream, vision, or passion, when you feel like you’re failing in your job or career (you’re doing something you hate, you keep screwing up, or your job/career life is nonexistent). Come on, we’ve all been in at least one of these boats at some point or another, and if you haven’t...well, this post will be here to encourage you when that day comes.

Life Fail

But really, what do you do in those moments? Well, for starters, you remember that it’s just that - a moment. It’s super easy to get stuck in the moment of feeling like you’re failing, and it all of a sudden becomes a giant in your eyes, but the truth of the matter is, it’s just a moment. You get to start again in the next moment, and again the next day, and the next week, etc. Thank the Lord for new days, weeks, months, years, and seasons! Right?! He knew we would need to start over again and again, so He gave us the gift of time. I have found that when I take a minute to breathe, refocus and restart, failing doesn’t seem so bad.

Laughter is another key I use to unlock what feels like closed doors of failure. With each door that closes, it’s easy to feel like the initial slam hit you with a stamp on the forehead that says, “Failing at Life” in bright red ink. So what do you do in those moments? You laugh. Does that sound weird and inappropriate? Maybe; but it still helps. I’ve heard that when you laugh, you have to give something up. It’s so true. If you’re sad and begin to laugh, you can’t keep both. Something has to go. Bye bye, sadness (even if just for a minute). You can’t be angry and laugh at the same time (unless it's a fake, sarcastic laugh). I dare you: the next time you’re feeling angry, sad, or like you’re ridiculously failing at life, just start laughing at yourself and your situation. It may not change your situation, but I bet it will change your mood at least for a moment. Needless to say that I’ve laughed at myself A LOT over the last few months. When things look ridiculous, when you feel crazy, when you don’t know what is going to happen, when you feel like you’re failing...just laugh.

What else do you do when you feel like you’re failing? You thank the Lord for grace...and ask for SO much more. Then trust and hope that He’ll meet you where you are. This is so real in whatever season you’re in. The other day I was thinking about newly married couples or first-time parents after complaining to myself about not having introvert/me time for a few days. Then I thought about how that will completely change when I get married and again when I have children, and I realized that there is so much grace for those seasons when they actually come. These seasons and changes are not new to the Lord; He isn’t surprised by them. Our lives shouldn’t look the same from beginning to end (where’s the fun in that?!) - there will always be transition and change. We were made to bend, and if by chance we break, there is grace for that too. We were made to communicate and figure things out with ourselves, the Lord, and the people in our lives through each season and new situation; and then we adjust and readjust as necessary. That is part of the beauty of life and the change within it.

Staying present with my people has also been key for me in this season. I watched a movie the other day where a man got “cold feet” the morning of his wedding, and it was because

1. He spent the night alone
2. He started thinking about all of the big transitions in life before they even happened

First of all,  we were not meant to live life alone or in isolation; we need people to call us out of our crazy and remind us of the truth. Secondly, while we may plan for the future, we were made to live in the present. When we jump ahead to the what if’s while we’re in panic mode...well, I think we all know that usually doesn’t work out for our benefit, so we may as well focus on the present. Stay present with the people you’ve invited into your journey - they are gifts to you in these moments.

While I’m sure there are many other keys and tools for these moments in life, I’ll end with thankfulness. When I feel like I’m totally failing, I think maybe I don’t have my life together, but what DO I have?  I have family and friends who love me. I have people in my corner who champion me in my journey and dreams. I have words from the Lord to hold in front of me until I see them happen. I have experienced the kindness of the Lord through His presence, provision and the gifts of people He has placed in my life. I have a lot of hope for what is in store. I have tons of fun and laugh often. I have so much to be thankful for in this season.

Failing is part of life, and I think we’ve given it a bad rap for too long. What if failing isn’t a bad thing? What if failure is the launchpad to exploration, adventure and success? What if we weren’t afraid of failing? The next time you feel like you’re failing at life, just remember you’re probably doing better than you think.