Backslide

Why does walking away suck so much? I even have a hard time walking away from things I hate (story of my life). Whyyyyyyy? (Yes, the six extra Ys were necessary to stress the dramatic air of what I’m feeling right now.) The fact that it feels so hard actually annoys me at times. I’ve had jobs that I hated, and I still had a hard time firstly, in making the choice to walk away and secondly, in dealing with the feelings that came after walking away. Ok, there was this one time that it wasn’t hard at all. I had a temp job in catering in my early 20s, and on my last day, I literally threw my grossly worn out shoes in the trash, walked back to my car shoeless, said “Peace out!” and never looked back. I have witnesses. 

I’m sure we’ve all heard the saying, “If you love it, let it go” - sounds a little like BS, but sometimes it is necessary. But what is “it” in that quote? Does that mean we should let go of the thing we love and hope it returns one day? Possibly. Does that mean if we love one “it,” then we need to let another “it” go? Also a possibility. I have so many directions of where I want to go with this, but I think for now, I will choose familiarity. 

I recently started watching “New Girl” with my friend Jess (Yes, my friend and the main character have the same name, and I know I’m way behind in the game by just now starting to watch this show. Judge all you want though.) One of the first episodes I watched was entitled “Backslide,” and in this episode, two of the main characters were in positions to “backslide” into relationships with people they had previously broken up with (and for good reasons). What is hilarious is that this happens all too often and not just in relationships. We break up with someone, we walk away from a job opportunity, we move away from home, we try to start a new habit or way of living, and there it is - familiarity...pretending to be our friend, inviting us back into what we knew, into what felt safe, into what felt like home, into what felt like us. However, I have found that familiarity can be the biggest block in true connection, the worst player to have on your team when going after your dreams (or anything new/different), and while it may be the most loyal, it’s also the most dishonest “friend” when it comes to telling you who you are. I’m willing to bet someone is laughing and crying while reading this, because it’s laughable how true this is, but the pain of it is also very real. 

There are different reasons that call for the necessity of walking away from things. Sometimes we need to walk away from something because there is pain in it, and we need to take time to walk through that pain (for our sake and others involved). Sometimes we need to walk away because something is actually bad for us (physically, emotionally, mentally). Sometimes we walk away simply because there is a better option. Sometimes we walk away from something because we believe the Lord has asked us to. We can walk away from many things for many reasons, and as a very loyal person, walking away from anything is very difficult for me. Even when I’ve made the initial, tough choice to walk away, I later question it. Even when I’ve experienced health and freedom after walking away, I still question it. Even when I know it was in my best interest to walk away, yes, still with the questioning! Whyyyyyyy? (Ok, I just wanted to be annoying with the extra Ys that time.)

One of the “whys” is familiarity. It’s freaking scary to walk away from the people, things, and places we’ve known. What if I don’t find a better option? What if the thing I thought was better isn’t actually better? What if I get stranded or end up alone? What if I fall on my face and fail miserably? What if I blow it forever with that one relationship, that one job offer, that one place that I thought was home?  All very valid and real questions that can flood our minds when we choose to walk away from the familiar and enter into unknown territory. Will it be worth it? Maybe, maybe not. BUT, you won’t know until you try. 

In the grand scheme of things, I think it’s important for me personally to remember that I’m not that big or powerful. For someone who claims to believe in an all-knowing, all-reigning, all-powerful God, it would probably benefit me to realize that He’s big enough to meet me wherever I am whether I stay in the familiar place perfectly content, whether I walk away and then backslide, or whether I walk away from the familiar and venture into the unknown head on without looking back. The thing that has given me courage to push past the familiar (almost daily) is a phrase that someone told me a few months ago - “you’re not stepping out of something, but you’re stepping into something.” 

What if you weren’t walking away from something, but walking towards something? Let the adventure beyond the familiar begin!

#worthit

I Believe in You

“I believe in you.”

These are words that wrecked me in a coffee shop the other day - literally crying in the coffee shop. Oh yes, you’ll definitely get to hear this story as you read on. But before that, here’s the question for you: when is the last time you felt believed in? (Notice that I didn’t say you were believed in but felt believed in.)

I didn’t realize how important or needed this idea of being believed in was until now. Why do we need to be believed in? What does that even mean - to be believed in? Well, let’s start with the basics. (Warning: teacher/nerd alert.) When I looked up the etymology of the verb “believe” and the noun “belief,” here is what I found:

• “believe” comes from an Old English word meaning “‘to have faith or confidence’ (in a person) [or] perhaps literally ‘hold dear...to love.’”
• “belief” (around the 12th century) referred to “confidence reposed in a person or thing; faith in a religion.” (etymonline.com)

I think we typically associate the words “believe” or “belief” with religion and core values, and I mean, that makes sense, right? Our beliefs are often based on or shaped by that thing or being with which we believe in, hold dear, love or have confidence in. But what about when it comes to family, friends and community? I’m not saying our whole belief or faith should be in those things. Family, friends and community cannot replace my relationship, faith in, love for, or confidence in Jesus. What I AM saying is that I think it is necessary to know that someone has confidence in us, especially when we’re navigating through new waters in our lives. We may have confidence in the Lord, but at times we need to be reminded that we are capable of doing or exploring the things He has called us to, and that at times requires someone to believe in us, to have confidence in us, or to love us in order to ignite courage in our hearts.

Ok, here is what you really want to hear - the coffee shop story of me bursting into tears...and yes, people definitely saw me. Did I care? Not really. I’m sure it was quite the sight, and it makes for a good story, which is all that really matters. So I’m meeting with my friend, Sam, to talk about blog stuff. As we’re chatting about the blog, my process, creativity and all the things, we both pause for a moment, and then he asks, “What’s going on in your heart right now?” For some reason this caught me a little off guard, because even though something was stirring inside my heart and I could feel the tears beginning to form, I actually wasn’t sure what was going on in my heart at that moment. Before I could actually think about what was happening in my heart, my friend looks me straight in the eyes and says, “Melody, I believe in you.” And there they are. The ever faithful tears that begin to roll down my pinchable, freckled cheeks. I hid my face for a second and then looked up. And he said it again! “I believe in you.” I mean, really? How much do you actually want me to cry in public right now?

Here are a few things I realized as I drove home from this meeting...still crying and trying to figure out why it hit me so hard.

1. As someone who is usually the champion of others, I didn’t realize that I also needed to be championed.
2. While I know there are people who have championed me my whole life, there are times (for whatever reason) that it needs to be a specific person who champions you in a specific thing you’re pursuing.
3. It is one thing to feel believed in when you get it right; it’s an entirely different thing to feel believed in when you feel like you can’t get it right, when you’re failing or when you feel crazy.
4. There is a huge difference in feeling supported in the things at which we appear naturally good or that seem socially or culturally acceptable versus feeling believed in when you’re pursuing something that is in your heart but feels completely out of the box.

I think there are many who have felt believed in when they have gotten it right but on the flip side have also felt the disappointment of others (or even themselves) when they haven’t gotten it right, which attaches being “believed in” to what we do versus who we are - the perfect incubator for a performance-driven culture (internally and externally). This is a place where we can never measure up, because everything is dependent upon what we do instead of who we are, and someone will always be better at “doing” something than we are.

And here is what I have to say about that:

To the mom or dad who feels like they never got it right and live with regret - I believe in you.

To the creative artist pursuing their dreams but bussing tables - I believe in you.

To the newly divorced who feels like they failed at marriage - I believe in you.

To the visionary who feels out of place because they think and see everything differently - I believe in you.

To the one who never pursued anything for fear of failure or rejection - I believe in you.

To the one who is going after their dreams and either failing miserably or killing it - I believe in you.

To anyone who needs it, I believe in you...no, really. I believe in you. Seriously, I believe in you. YOU are worth believing in - not your choices, not your past, not your present circumstances, but YOU are worth believing in.

#worthit

"I Ain't Afraid of No Ghost"

First of all, please tell me the theme song from "Ghostbusters" just ran through your head! And maybe you're not afraid of ghosts, but I'm sure there's something - spiders, enclosed spaces, cats (especially hairless ones), the dark...I may not be able to vouch for all of those, but I can definitely vouch for being afraid of the dark. Did anyone else watch that show "Are You Afraid of the Dark?" and then have to sleep with their parents? No? Just me? Ok, moving on. 

I actually remember being terrified of the dark...and not just when I was little. I'm pretty sure I slept with a night light AND my baby blanket until I was 16 (and I still sleep with a “security” blanket at 31). There have also been times of sleeping on the couch (with almost every light in the house on) so I could see every entry point into my house. I wasn't paranoid AT ALL. Ok, maybe a little. But why was it so scary? Was it the strange house noises? Was it watching too many scary movies growing up (most of which my parents didn't know about)? The scary movies definitely played a part, but I think the main thing about it was the unknown. Even though everything in the house looks/stays the same whether the lights are on or off, there are still unknown aspects in the dark, which we can then create stories about until the lights are turned on to see the true reality of things. 

So let's dive into the real, real stuff. What keeps us from exploring the “dark,” unknown places of our hearts? They’re scary, right? Ok, maybe you’re one of those rare (weird) people that has never been afraid of the dark and unknown. But for the rest of us...ok, maybe I’m the rare, weird one that’s afraid of those things and everyone else is normal. Either way, I have some thoughts. 

For one, I think as a Christian (at some point and not because of bad intentions) there has been this idea that the heart is an evil thing full of, well, evil things. However, when we come to know Jesus, we’re new creations - EVERYTHING has been made completely new...like actually a whole other creation. And if that happens through Jesus, who is perfect, then our hearts can’t be evil, because there is no evil in Jesus (and yes, I understand that there are still things that we have to work through within our hearts; I’m not saying we’re perfect and will never make poor choices or anything like that). So there’s that mentality that the heart is evil and should be a thing to be controlled (or maybe locked away behind bars forever) instead of explored. 

Secondly, (maybe because of the above mentioned) I think one of the main reasons we don’t go to the dark, unknown places in our hearts is because they’re like the junk drawer in our homes. You KNOW the one I’m talking about. Everyone has one. It’s the one place in the house where you shove all the crap that you don’t want to deal with right away, but then you end up forgetting about it forever...at least until you move to another house or the drawer is overflowing. (Ok, insert nerd alert - I LOVE this analogy of the junk drawer; pretty sure Holy Spirit just gave that one to me.) The junk drawer holds all the things that you can’t be bothered with, but as you shove more crap inside, it becomes messier and messier until it explodes and you have to deal with it. 

I think we often do this with our hearts. Instead of regularly exploring or tending to them, we wait until they explode and we’re forced to deal with what is really going on, because the breakdown, the anxiety, the depression, etc. are just the cries for help from a messy heart that has had enough of the junk. Cleaning out the junk drawer of our hearts can be a painful place though, because mess is tough. It can be hard, scary, and sometimes shameful, but oh the beauty that is found in those messy places like treasure at the bottom of an ocean - dark and scary and yet never discovered without exploring with light. Light was never meant to expose mess for the sake of putting it on a shame display but to give sight to the treasure that can be found within it as we see it for what it is and navigate through it. 

I am finding that the key to exploring what can feel like the dark, scary and shameful places is exploring them with the light of compassion - compassion for ourselves, for our hearts, for our journey, for our past and present (which will hopefully release anticipation for our future). Shame cannot stand against compassion. Shame isolates and keeps us from the beauty and treasure, while compassion allows us to see the treasure within the mess and begin the cleaning up process in order to polish and display the treasure that was meant to be shared with others. 

So what is holding you back from exploring the deep waters of your heart? I guarantee that there is treasure in there. God isn’t scared of your mess; He is full of compassion; He is ready to explore those places with you and help you extend compassion to those places that have felt like an explosion of mess, shame or pain. It’s time to clean out the junk drawer. Who knows what good things you will find! I bet they’re better than any “bad” story you’ve made up in your mind regarding what’s in there, so why not shed some light on the mess to find the true, real treasure that lies beneath.

#worthit

The Moments of Crazy

What do you do in the moments of crazy? You know the ones I’m talking about. The ones where you say or do something to someone that you immediately regret; the moments where you punch your steering wheel because of the rage that all of a sudden came up within you; the times when you’re overcome with sadness or anxiety and you’re not even sure why, so you fight back the tears until you’re by yourself; the moments of insanity where you think, I could turn in my two weeks notice right now, or even just walk out of my job and be completely fine even though I have no backup; the times where you look at one of your besties and say, “We could totally run away today; it’s as good a day as any other - to the coast we go! Or a plane ticket to Thailand will also do.”

"To the coast we go!"

It’s in those moments of crazy that we can wonder, what the heck is wrong with me? And then we frantically begin to try and diagnose the root issue in order to “fix” ourselves. Google may or may not be your friend in this instance, especially if you do not want to become an emotional hypochondriac, but what’s the alternative? I envision something along the lines of being carried away in a fetal position to a place by the ocean that is "free from the stresses of life" in order to recover, and as much as I love the ocean, that just doesn’t sound appealing to me mostly because I love my peoples too much; however, there’s no shame in that for whoever may need it. We’re all in different chapters in our stories and need different things.

I recently listened to a podcast from "The Liberation Project," which by the way I would totally recommend to anyone, because even though it’s geared towards men, there is SO much to take away. (Be prepared to be offended and challenged at some point with the upside being gaining insight and healing #worthit.) Wow, that was a rabbit trail of a recommendation. Anyway, in their podcast entitled, “Stop Fixing Yourself,” one thing suggested was we can’t actually fix ourselves, because we’re wired to need others whether that be the Lord, family, friends, community etc. Just like God is a triune, interdependent being so are we, and God has treasures, gifts and breakthroughs that can only be found in Him and/or the people around us - we were created for community. While this is not the direction I’m going in (it’s more of an extra nugget; you’re welcome), it did get me thinking about this idea that we need to “fix” ourselves (insert melody from "Fix You" by Coldplay, which is a great song by the way and yet counteractive to this post).

I just don’t think God makes broken things. While we may have times of brokenness in our bodies, emotions, minds or spirits, I don’t think as a whole being we’re actually broken or some thrown away toy that needs to be fixed or refurbished. Maybe we’re actually just people experiencing life. I mean, don’t you hate when you’re sharing a part of your life and the person you’re sharing with somehow suggests that you need to be fixed, that you’re broken, that you’re not whole because things are hard, or you’re not happy, or overflowing with enthusiasm 100% of the time? Maybe that’s just me, or maybe I don’t want to be fixed. Maybe I just want to experience life and walk through every chapter (even the tough ones), and maybe that makes the easier chapters more precious and gift-like. My pain may not need to be fixed but experienced in order to move forward, and hopefully my experience can be shared with someone else who needs to experience their story instead of trying to fix it. I think we have many chapters in our stories, and luckily we have the best author ever to partner with in the writing process.

So what’s the point? What’s the solution? I’m not 100% sure. Maybe someone will not feel alone in their crazy. Maybe someone will be present in their moment of pain and be able to share that with someone else one day. Maybe someone will better appreciate the easier chapters in their story. Maybe someone will stop shaming themselves because they’ve felt like they needed to be fixed. Maybe someone will have permission to simply be and experience life. Whatever you walk away with, know that you’re not alone even when you’re by yourself. Know that there are many chapters yet to be experienced, and God already has a redemption plan for all of the hard ones.

Honestly Honest

Honestly honest. What does that even mean? I’m really not sure, it just sounded catchy. However, I’m realizing the value of being honest with myself. When I was younger, I remember getting mad very easily, and in a recent conversation with my sister, we laughed at how angry and mean I would get when my sisters wouldn’t let me play with them (the pitfall of being the youngest sibling).  On one of those occasions, I apparently destroyed their newly constructed Barbie house like I was Godzilla. While it’s funny now, when I look back at things like that, I realize it was just a reaction to pain - the all too familiar pain of rejection. I would venture to say that many of us have experienced that very pain throughout our lifetimes whether it was with siblings, other family members, peers, romantic relationships, leaders, coworkers, etc. It just seems to be part of life that we internalize as “normal” and keep moving on with our lives.

In what we deem “normal” - rejection, pain, fear, all the feels and emotions - or "everyday" things that are bound to happen sooner or later, I’ve experienced (at some point or another) all of the following reactions that we can have: as seen in little Godzilla Melody at the age of five or six, we react in anger out of pain, which usually ends up hurting others; we spiral into the black hole of depression; or we go to the complete opposite end of the spectrum and push the hurt and pain down, lock it away in a vault and toss it to the bottom of the ocean of our hearts and tell ourselves, “This is just part of life; everything’s going to be ok; take it one day at a time, have a good attitude, and just keep moving on.” Oh, the detriment I’m now finding from the years of hearing or telling this to myself.

Ok, ok, hear me out. I’m not saying that we can’t encourage ourselves with statements that help us get through each day, because, let’s be real, sometimes we’re the only ones that can encourage ourselves not because others aren’t around, but we’re the ones who talk to ourselves the most. Oh, you know you talk to yourself. Don’t deny it. It’s fine. It's not weird at all - I do it ALL the time. BUT our self-talk can make or break us at times, so sometimes we tell ourselves what we have to in order to survive and get through the day, week, month, etc. However, I’m finding that in tandem with encouraging myself, I also HAVE to be honest with myself about how I experienced things. Along with the “Hey, you’re going to be ok,” I have to include, “Hey, that really sucked! That actually hurt a lot and the pain of rejection is very real in this moment.”

Over the years, for the sake of not wanting to sound weak, ungrateful, unfaithful, or unchristian-like, I’ve left out the, “That REALLY sucked!” part and just told myself, “You’ll get through this; just get over it, because that’s life,” but what I really ended up doing through that was take away the voice and permission of my heart to feel and experience the full spectrum of emotions that we were created with, which I have also found can only last for so long before an emotional breakdown ending in the fetal position is bound to happen. Yes, I can vouch for this from personal experience on more than one occasion, and if you ever hear me tell the stories in person, I’ll laugh the whole time now, because I imagine it as a dramatic movie scene and then realize how dramatic I really am. It’s not to downplay the pain of those situations, but it’s great to be able to laugh at yourself even in tough times.

So what’s the point, Melody? Come on, get to it already! Alright, alright, alright (said in a Matthew Mcconaughey voice - you're welcome). After three weeks of breaking down daily and looking back over my life seeing this pattern of shutting down the negative emotions because they’re “bad,” “ungodly,” or something to be controlled, I’ve realized the gift of being honest with myself about how I felt or experienced certain moments. When I looked back at those moments and was honest with myself about how I actually experienced them, I took time to feel the pain of that moment, and then I was able to move on without harboring bitterness or resentment in my heart. It’s actually quite freeing, and then I don’t have to drag that pain around in the vault that’s at the bottom of my heart’s little ocean for the rest of my life, because I gave myself permission to experience it and walk through it instead of shoving it to the side. Honestly, it’s worth it to be honest with yourself about your experiences.

We were created beautifully and intricately with every emotion on purpose; what would life look like and how would we experience things if we learned how to steward the full spectrum of emotions and give voice to our hearts?

The "In-Between"

The “In-Between” AKA transition...I know, we all just shuddered or got a mild case of hives at that word. No one really enjoys transition. I mean, new things can be exciting, but when all that you know is “up in the air” and the things that once felt stable have crumbled under your feet, free falling can be a bit scary to say the least. So what’s a girl (or guy) to do? I guess it depends on what kind of transition you’re in. For me, the key word has been “explore.”

I’ve just finished school, and I get to explore new options for jobs, housing, community...all of the things to which we often attach stability. But what happens when all of those things that have previously given us stability either slowly dissolve or disappear all at once? Sure, let’s go with the traditional, spiritual answers - the Lord is my anchor; the Lord is enough; trust in the Lord; the list goes on and on. While all of those statements are true, what happens when you know God is good, you have an intimate and active relationship with Him every day and yet, you’re still experiencing anxiety upon waking up every morning or feeling emotional pain as you break down every night in the shower? Come on, I know I’m not the only one.

Maybe it’s time to explore something else, which I believe is the gift of the in-between seasons. For me personally, my current exploration involves my heart. Here’s what I can liken it to:

Imagine you’re stuck in the middle of the ocean with no lifeboat, no raft, no life jacket, no person to keep you company - it’s just you and yourself. You learn to get really good at treading water, and at times when the burn kicks in, you float for a bit, hoping, praying someone will eventually find you. You may even try swimming in one direction hoping you’ll find land, but it always turns out the same - an endless ocean all around. Then one day someone comes along and allows you to latch on and be pulled by their little tug boat, which is great! Right?! Well, eventually that latch breaks and what felt like your rescuer or answer to prayer moves along, and there you are left treading water...again. Over time, the same pattern continues. Help seems to come and go and provide a bit of relief, but ultimately you realize, “Hey, I’ve been doing this for years. When the next ray of hope comes and goes, I'll cry for a minute, and then I’ll just keep treading, because that’s what I do. I’m strong, independent, and I just plow through the burn and pain.”

This is the picture I’ve gotten of my heart lately and, I don't know about ya'll, but it is totally exhausting! We can toss our hearts to sea, hope they can tread water, and when the burn kicks in we just keep on moving - just plow through; just be faithful; just keep serving; just keep trusting; believe for the best; keep a good attitude; do the responsible thing. Then someone or something eventually comes along that eases the pain or moments of drowning that gives us just enough strength to keep going. We pull our big girl or boy pants up and keep plowing, pushing, doing the everyday things that “have” to be done or are “responsible,” but all the while our hearts are actually just crying out for help, which can come in the form of emotional pain or anxiety. Ok, ok, calm down; some of you just got offended, because it sounded like I said being responsible in the daily things is bad or that trusting in the Lord isn’t enough, which is not what I’m saying at all. What I AM saying is maybe it’s time to take a closer look or listen a little more to what is really going on in our hearts alongside of trusting in the Lord, because ultimately, it is us who get to be the rescuer, caretaker, and steward of our hearts.

In this in-between, I’ve realized it’s a time for me to explore my heart and the things that I really enjoy, which is currently spending a lot of time outdoors (and being very picky on what and who I say “yes” to, which can sometimes be tough). Now, does that mean I should buy a kayak and name it the Pink Trailblazer even though I can’t afford it? Maybe. Does it seem super irresponsible? Possibly. Is it worth it? Totally! My heart will always be worth an investment, because when my heart is whole, I can wholly offer myself to the people around me.  I actually can’t afford to do things that either drain me or do not offer life right now, so I’m all-in for the exploration of things that do bring life in this season so that I can bring life to others. 
So in the in-bewteen, I will trust in and explore with the Lord the things of my heart while remembering His goodness, and experiencing His kindness, compassion, and provision.

Redeeming the Dock

Redeeming the dock...what the heck does that even mean? Well, you would have to know the story behind it first. When you think of a dock, you probably think of water, boats, a stopping point or resting place. Recently, I've had an ongoing encounter with the Lord where we're standing on a dock that's actually rather long and stretches a ways out from the shore. We stood hand-in-hand as I watched a boat sail away. The boat can represent different things, but for me it mostly represents a voyage. While someone or something else may actually be on the boat, the voyage or journey for us still on the shore is in the process of waiting for it's return.

I think there are many times in life where we feel like we're standing at the end of the dock watching someone or something dear to us drift away into the ocean (carrying a piece of our heart with it) until we can't even see it, and yet we still stand at the edge of the dock watching, waiting, hoping...maybe it'll come back. And after awhile we think...maybe it won't. There's always that possibility isn't there? Letting go of something you're holding tightly to - a dream, a family member, a promise, a word - always carries the risk of not coming back to you once you let it go, and sometimes the dock can be disappointing; the waiting can be tough. But I'm discovering that who you're waiting with can make all the difference.

The Lord keeps bringing me back to the picture of this dock and each time there's another part to the story. When I encounter the Father I'm always a little girl around the age of five, full of life, joy, freedom...all of the things He sees when He looks at me, and I've actually never had a disappointing moment with Him during those times. But this time was different. I stood with Daddy God at the end of this dock, I had a stuffed bunny in one hand and I took His hand with the other and slowly turned to walk away from the end of the dock back towards the shore. Even though I was holding His hand and everything is always ok when I'm with Him, I walked away with my head hung low, dragging my bunny behind me, and I realized that it was ok for me to be with Him and still be disappointed.

Up until this point the dock had been a place that was tough because it meant saying goodbye, but there was also the expectancy that there would soon be a hello; however, after days of waiting (and even longer for some) the dock can turn into a waiting place of disappointment, sadness, and grief, and I feel like there are a lot of people who have watched the boat sail away with disappointment but still had a glimmer of hope, and now the glimmer has disappeared with the boat. I know, super gloomy, but you should know by now that I don't typically write unless there's a turning point...there's always a turning point to a good story, or at least that's how I prefer them.

So tonight as I was sitting with the Lord, He brought this picture of the dock back to me and added to the story. My five-year-old self walks out on this dock of disappointment and sits down at the end dangling my feet above the water, and I'm holding on to a small treasure chest about the size of a music box. The Father comes and sits down beside me and asks me what's inside, and I tell Him it's all that I have to offer. He takes it, opens it up, and shows me the things inside that I didn't even know were in there. He looks at them with a smile and I know that He treasures them more than I do. The previously disappointed five-year-old dragging the stuffed bunny behind her now looked into her Dad's face and then peered over the side of the small treasure box with the biggest smile ever. This me - the me that is a daughter of the King, that's such a kid and totally free, that rests in the arms of a good Dad - trusts Him completely. We sat at the end of the dock dangling our feet over the water; He held my treasure box, and we watched the stars pop out from hiding as the sun began to set. And in that moment I felt like the Holy Spirit said, "I'm redeeming the dock."

There are things that many of you have been waiting for and the waiting has been tough and disappointing, but the things that you've watched leave that dock and lost hope for their return mean more to Him than they do to you, and your most cherished items in your treasure box mean more to Him than they do to you. So for those who have walked away from the dock dragging your bunny behind you with head hung low and a disappointed heart, He's redeeming the dock and He wants you to wait with Him again with hope, anticipation and expectancy of what will return when the sun rises tomorrow. He's the best person to wait with...start hoping again as He returns to you the joy of trusting Him like a kid - His kid.